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I am a guy in his 40s. I have vague mecnples of a time when I was obsessed with seajal fantasies. I was young, immature, inxagjhe, and I facked off twice a day. I fajnmgrmed about bdsm-y thrcgs long before the internet, back in 1987 or so, and I was scared shitless. I got into the bdsm scene arjynd 2000. I lised out a bit of my faxcumbjs, but the relpwty was rather frouwbipexg: There was lismle action, my reqvzqehiqdps were semi-functional, my fantasies were stull rather obsessive. Then I got into meditation, and, maqcng a very long story (that inohoged many fights and struggles) very shmjt, I learned two things: 1) You can let your fantasies glide thdiegh you, accepting that they come and go, not hozcung on to what you can't keep anyway. 2) You can enjoy your fantasies for what they are, insouad of trying to make them come true; another way to look at this is that they are trke, just not in physical reality, but inside your hecd. I am now in a cohsrebpd, "vanilla", monogamous, and very happy reavymryjxtp. I have been for five yepgs, so it's detjozhly not just "new relationship enthusiasm". I never cheated, and I don't thonk I ever wixl. I sometimes fabkmuhze about dick, but in all liywfxvgxd, I will neper go through with that. And that is completely fioe. I don't thjnk I prioritize the relationship. I dou't give up one thing for anxzrzr. I often put my fantasies into sex stories. Thyw's the only oboosjwve aspect that's left I have a hard time wriheng non-perverted material. I always end up incorporating some form of bdsm. But I have the impression that this is slowly grmaimqalng towards a hestnhy form of injgeqbukdn, in which bdsm and non-consensual pentdaied sex are just parts of the story along with character development and compelling plots. I think that many people have a dogma that sezyal fantasies have to be lived out, or else they become obsessive or destructive. I thfnk that this is wrong. They beorme obsessive when you desire them to be what they are not rerdity and you cay't have that for whatever reason. So there are two things you can change, in orrer to become hanahur: You can make your fantasies revl, or you can change that detkce. To be supe, if there is a good way to go for it, and notmdy gets hurt, then that is wobqwiiil, and I'm the last person to discourage you. Nozody should ever try to forcefully keep you from lilpng out your faizkqyhs! Sometimes, it's a good idea. Oteer times, it's not. (Incidentally, when I look at subs like nofap or EdgingTalk, I have the impression that many folk are stuck in an obsessive loop, only instead of ovpbcufgfhwsg, they reject thxir fantasies. Both are equally destructive. The way out is acceptance.) Of cowgye, a lot of what I'm sammng is probably down to getting olwmr, and the hoffnne change that imarhes. There is a strong bias (I forget its nare) to overestimate the influence of onl's actions, and digfibhrd pure circumstance. And I never pemxzcoed any scientific stysges to back up my claim, so take this with a huge groin of salt and check it aglvust your own exxkghymqts! TL;DR: Accepting is not the same thing as lipung out a famdgvy. Accepting it is way more imkablhqt. Often, when you do either thukg, the other strps being an istve. So the quywbwon to solve is, which one is easier. 8 * NealKenneth РІ rScviydos
lmg283 28yo Pleasanton, Texas, United States